Last Monday I woke up with a hot heaviness across my chest, by lunchtime I was back in bed and I haven’t moved since.
Last Wednesday night, I thought I might gasp my last but somehow managed to hang in there and saw another sunrise.
A bit dramatic? Actually no. Nothing about last week happened for dramatic effect, I just had to lay and endure what appeared to be unending pain and misery.
Today, over a week later, I weakly managed to get to the shower, wash my hair, put on clean clothes and sit upright on the sofa -it felt alien to be back in the lounge amongst people – the land of the living.
Me in particular, but my husband as well really has taken a hit this winter with various viruses. But this was a bad one.
My youngest son took a photo of me midway through my marathon of misery last week – I was horrified when I saw it – I look to have aged 20 years and again I’m not saying this for effect – I look awful. And today feeling so much better having had a shower , the person I saw looking back at me in the mirror might have felt better but she looked hollow eyed, sallow – like a dried out husk.
I was just pleased to feel normalish – what I looked like could be worried about later I decided.
BUT – I was brought up short by my sister. She has for the last 8 years, gone along for the autumn flu jab – and apart from minor sniffles – never had anything more serious since.
I on the other hand can guarantee myself a couple of doses of something miserable every year. But this one, this was a league above and beyond what is ‘normal’ and I feel scared that I could have to endure another such bout this century.
I felt my age.
I felt that getting better was going to be difficult this time
I didn’t feel resilient
I don’t know why I have always shied away from the flu vaccine. Stupidly I thought it was something only really old people needed, and we all know the gazillion strains for flu virus there is – why would this thing work?
But my sisters stats sat there as some sort of testimony and as I thought about it, I really am always texting her saying we are ill with some bug or other wheras she’s been bomb proof.
Whatever deep secret distrust I have harboured about the flu jab – no more.
I have reached my personal crisis point – I can’t face this again. Its too late for this season, all I can do is hope I have had my quota and wait for the sunshine
But come Sept this year – I am going to be first in the queue.